A Diplomat and the Accidental Prostitutes

Hotel Room, Durban, 2018.

I present the experience of a diplomat (Mr. Oloyepupo) in the essay below. It is a narration of his experience after a high-level multilateral meeting about geopolitics and the multipolar world in the face of randomness and the clamour for deglobalization. This incident happened while the diplomat waited for his early morning trip from his four-star hotel, the venue of the high-level senior policy conference, along the coast of East Africa. The hotel is also the abode for a growing airline’s cabin crew when they are off duty.

Diplomat used the elevator to descend from the fifth floor to wait for his airport taxi.

He met a concierge at the lobby who was waiting to process him and make sure all is ready for his flight back to New York for a United Nations (UN) meetings via France’s Charles de Gaulle Airport.

Concierge: Hello Mr. Oloyepupo. I hope you had a good time at our hotel. Your airport transit should be here in 25 minutes and it’s around 30 minutes to the airport.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Wow! We spent two hours on our way here when I arrived last week Friday.

Concierge: That’s correct. But there is no traffic congestion currently. It’s just 2 am in the morning and it’s Alhamisi (Thursday).

Mr. Oloyepupo: Asante sana Mrembo. I appreciate the way you make my life easy anytime I lodge in any of your chain of hotels in the region.

Concierge: Karibu tena balozi. You have exposed me to the world even though I never traveled out of Africa. I heard you discussing the challenges with the use developmental aid in Africa with Waziris from different countries yesterday.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Of course, we were trying to figure out how to survive with the new American foreign policy.

Concierge: Why should aid be that controversial. It seems your conversation was heated and divisive yesterday.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Only the gods understand why we people are obsessed with our primordial instincts.

Concierge: How so Mkubwa?

Mr. Oloyepupo: We have failed to analyze issues objectively. We always throw rationality out of the window and instead we base our analysis on religion, culture and who colonized us – francophone or anglophone!

The truth is that aid has contributed to our access to education, health care, infrastructure development, and capacity building. I heard that since the suspension of aid by USAID, reproductive health programs have been cancelled in Maputo. People have started picking their graves in Uganda because of the lack of access to anti-retroviral drugs, and life has become more challenging for internally displaced Nigerians.

Concierge: What a pity!

Mr. Oloyepupo: On the flipside, some people have argued that international donor organizations and agencies create African elites, so the benefits don’t reach the intended beneficiaries.

For example, a scientist with an international organization once told me his director will always look for a mission for him to attend or a consultant to meet in another country to edit a report. He often spends a week before a consultant comes around for a 30-minute meeting. It was only later that he discovered that it was a “per diem game”.

Concierge: What is a per diem game?

Mr. Oloyepupo: It’s a game whereby international employees get paid for travelling even though the travel adds little or no value to the project or the beneficiaries. The employees of these organizations are better off - become elites, their children study abroad, benefits are great including pension and healthcare.

Concierge: I am struggling with this perspective because these international employees have sacrificed by leaving their families behind to contribute to international welfare and sustainability.

Mr. Oloyepupo: True. But it’s important to these international development skeptics too. They believe it’s a zero-sum game in the short term and not Pareto efficient in the long run. We are all worse off. …

Concierge: You’ve started again! This is the umpteenth time I will indicate that when you talk to us you should avoid jargon.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Like I mentioned earlier, there is a possibility that little, or nothing gets to the intended beneficiaries. In the long run, the family and friends of the international employee are not gainfully employed, dependency ratio increases, and they may be worse off after retirement – they will return to the same space with no electricity, lopsided healthcare that only the wealthy can access and dilapidated infrastructure. How is this scenario sustainable?

Concierge: I am not sure you can be judgmental. What have you done as a career diplomat?

Mr. Oloyepupo: I am sorry, but my hands are tied.

For example, in our meeting that you overheard we were unable to make headway with the crisis in eastern Congo which Congo accused Rwanda of escalating. I can’t fathom why people related genetically and linguistically keep looking for differences. Personally, I am blind to the difference among the Rwandese, Western Ugandans (e.g. Batooro and Bayankole) and Eastern Congolese (Banyamulenge), and the rest of Congo.

I just hope it’s not a proxy war to grab Congo’s cobalt, coltan and lithium.

Concierge: Please enjoy your single origin coffee while we wait for your airport transit. You may experience a few ladies loafing around. They have a way of slipping into the hotel and warming up with our guests.

Mr. Oloyepupo: It’s already 2 am in the morning. I hope these so-called ladies are not nocturnal animals.

The concierge departed to make a few calls, and two young women walked into the hotel greeting the staff members on duty familiarly.

Hustler 1(under the influence): This lobby is quiet today. I hope we will be lucky.

Hustler 2 (a little bit shy): There is a gentleman over there, let’s see if he’ll cooperate.

Hustler 2: Good evening handsome (Talking to Mr. Oloyepupo).

Mr. Oloyepupo: Hello ladies. I hope you are doing great.

Hustler 1: Are you from here or visiting?

Mr. Oloyepupo: I lodged here for a meeting and workshop. Will leave once my airport transit arrives.

Hustler 2: Can we give you a massage?

Mr. Oloyepupo: A massage! At this time of the day. Do you have an office in the hotel premises?

Hustler 2: Hahaha. I can follow you to your room and give it you as ‘room service’.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I already told you I will be leaving soon. I checked out of my room, in other words, I returned my access cards.

Hustler 2: That’s not a problem; we can do it at a corner over there.

Hustler 1: (Apparently a little bit tipsy – under the influence) Even outside at the back of the building or by the beach side.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I’m beginning to see that your ‘massage’ is not really a massage.

Hustler 2: Now you get it (smiling)

Hustler 1: I also heard that people from your country are very skillful in that area.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Thanks for the offer. I am not interested in the massage and I’m due to be at the airport soon.

Hustler 1: Can you give us something to keep body and soul?

Mr. Oloyepupo: I’m sorry I don’t have cash on me.

Hustler 2: Even if it’s money for transport.

A middle-aged woman decided to join the discussion after check-in.

Madam: Hello Mr. Do you remember me? We once met at the airport in Schiphol, Amsterdam few years ago.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Yes, I do. On your way to open a business in East Africa.

Madam: Don’t be circumspect. What we discussed was more than that.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Let me finish my discussion with these young ladies.

Hustler 2: We are also about to leave. Please have a safe journey to your destination. We don’t mean any harm and you are also attractive.

Hustler 1: (Blowing a kiss) I really love you even though I just met you.

Mr. Oloyepupo: All the best. Sorry I was unable to help.

Madam: Now that they’ve gone, please remind me of our discussion.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I think these women are accidental prostitutes and I am sad I didn’t give them the money they asked for. It’s 2am in the morning. Apparently, it was a bad outing for them. But I didn’t see that until they asked for transportation.

I will live with the regret for the rest of my life.

Madam: Accidental prostitute! The story of my life. People don’t usually choose to be prostitutes.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I remember part of your story. You mentioned that you live in Germany with an older man. You don’t communicate and live in different parts of the house. You met him while you were working at a resort and used him as a ticket to travel abroad. Family was your excuse. You need to help your nine siblings even though one eventually called you a prostitute because you challenged his waste of resources.

You concurrently kept three men for different reasons. You were on your way home to commission a business with one of the men. Already a grandmother, wants her grandchildren (your grandchildren) to be educated.

Madam: I can see you remember. Some parts are missing but I will give you further details later. But I need to tell you this. After we met, I got pregnant and had twins.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I’m not surprised. It seems procreation is a negotiating instrument. I discovered that ladies deliberately get pregnant for people they think will guarantee their future. All the politicians I know in my country got babies outside wedlock when they were in power. I’m just wondering why no woman was interested in them before they got those juicy positions.

Madam: The juicy part of my own story is that I have fraternal twin boys with different fathers.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Heteropaternal superfecundation! So, you eventually conceived concurrently for two of the three men. This is deep!

Madam: It’s life. Can you judge guys who pimp their partners for survival in Europe, the ladies who practice transactional sex in exchange for passage through different stops and borders to get to a good destination, and those trafficked willing or unwilling to prostitute to pay on average 35,000 euros to a Madam?

Mr. Oloyepupo: This is a story for the gods. I don’t have answers. I will connect with you later. I need to call the manager.

Mr. Oloyepupo called the hotel manager to explain what happened to him …

Manager: Balozi, I heard you are leaving soon. I hope you enjoyed our service and will return soon. I made sure a special champagne was always in your room and the single origin coffee, Sweet Habit, was always available for your breakfast.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I appreciate all your efforts. I discovered that you don’t have hojicha. Please make that available the next time I’m around.

Manager: No qualms Balozi.

Mr. Oloyepupo: I saw two ladies who tried to convince me to patronize them. How do you allow those type of people access to your hotel?

Manager: I apologise. When we witness things like that, we try to get them out of the hotel. I must say that the situation here is better than what I experienced in Dubai.

Mr. Oloyepupo: What surprised me was the way they feel accustomed to the hotel.

Manager: It’s interesting that some of our customers want them around. There was a case of a particular lady who dresses well to create the impression that she is a corporate lady but was apparently looking for a ‘barracuda’.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Who is a barracuda?

Manager: You are naïve about the transactional nature of people. A barracuda is a ‘big fish’; a colloquial in their world to denote an individual who will guarantee them a good life. Good life may be visa or permanent stay abroad, landed properties, employment, business connections, or any avenue that leads to material wealth.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Hmm…So what happened to the deceptive lady?

Manager: It’s not deception, it’s a marketing strategy to get a wealthy client.

You asked what happened to her. She ended up in the suite of the captain of an airline that uses this place to lodge their cabin crew.

The concierge has an update for the diplomat – Mr. Oloyepupo

Concierge: Hi Sir. Your airport transit is ready.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Thanks, Mugone – the sassy concierge. I will call you once I reach New York.

Mugone: Do you have plans to return to this region soon?

Mr. Oloyepupo: Not for three months. I will proceed on my annual leave in six weeks, and I plan to visit a family friend in Puerto Iguazu in the province of Misiones in Argentina.

Mugone: I am told it is the gateway to Iguazu falls.

Mr. Oloyepupo: Yes, it’s also easy to cross to Parana State in Brazil. You can see the falls on both the Brazilian and Argentinian sides.

Mugone: What about Paraguay?

Mr. Oloyepupo: I will spend a week there. We will also take a ferry trip from Argentina side that will allow us to see the three countries - Paraguay, Brazil and Argentina – these countries are near each other. River Iguazu separates them.

Mugone: I saw you chatting with the young women while I was busy attending to other issues. I hope they didn’t surprise you with their requests. At least I gave you heads up.

Mr. Oloyepupo: No complaints. In my little stay in this world, I have discovered that prostitution is a global phenomenon.

Mugone: Global phenomenon indeed. But who is a prostitute?

Mr. Oloyepupo: Only the gods can answer that question.

Mugone: Maisha haya (This life)!

By

Bamidele Adekunle

@badekunl

March 20, 2025